From families who have been there
What to expect & court etiquette
This app was written by parents and families who have experienced the Court of Protection. The law is one thing; the room, the people and the unspoken rules are another. These tips are practical, not legal advice.
How to respect the court room
Respect in a court room tends to come back to you. Give it to the judge, to the other side and to the staff, and you will usually get it back — and you will be listened to for longer. Families often say a hearing feels like a game of chess: quiet, formal, and won by thinking two or three moves ahead rather than by the loudest player. It is never a game, because it is P's life on the board — but the calm, thinking-ahead part is worth borrowing.
Stand when the judge comes in and goes out
Everyone rises. A small nod of the head as you sit is normal. Nobody expects a performance — just do what the room does.
Call the judge by the right name
'Judge' is safe and always accepted for a District or Circuit Judge. A High Court judge is 'My Lord' or 'My Lady'. Ask the usher before you go in — they are used to the question.
Speak only when it is your turn
Write your point down instead of interrupting. Pass the note to your solicitor, or ask 'May I add something?' when there is a pause.
Keep your face and your body calm
Sighing, head-shaking, eye-rolling and muttering are all seen, even from the back row. It reads as unreasonable, however unfair the evidence feels.
Never talk over anyone
Hearings are recorded and a transcript may be made. Two voices at once means neither is heard, and the judge will remember who started it.
Phones off, no photos, no recording
Recording or photographing a hearing is a contempt of court. Turn your phone fully off, not on silent — a buzz on a table is loud in a quiet room.
Address the judge, not the other side
Say 'the local authority says…' rather than turning to argue with the social worker. Everything goes through the judge.
Say thank you, even when you lose the point
Courtesy costs nothing and is remembered at the next hearing. 'Thank you, Judge' after a ruling you hate is one of the strongest things you can do.
Ask for a break rather than breaking down
You are allowed to say 'May I have five minutes?'. Judges grant this readily, and it is far better than shouting or walking out.
Treat the staff the way you treat the judge
Ushers, clerks and security see everything and often speak to the judge. Kindness in the corridor matters as much as manners in the room.
Attending remotely? The same rules apply: dress as you would in the building, sit somewhere private and quiet, stay muted unless you are speaking, and never record the screen.
What not to do while proceedings are live
Families are often judged on how they behave during a case, not just on what is best for P. None of this is legal advice — if you are unsure, ask your solicitor or advocate before you act.
Don't start a claim or sue anyone mid-case
Launching civil claims against the local authority, a care provider or a social worker while the case is running can be read as combative rather than child- or P-focused. Note the issue, date it, and take advice about doing it after the proceedings end.
Don't fire off formal complaints about the professionals in the case
Complaints to the LA, the SRA or a regulator about the very people giving evidence often get paused until proceedings finish, and can be used to paint you as unreasonable. Raise concerns through your solicitor or in your statement first.
Don't post about the case on social media or in Facebook groups
A Transparency Order usually bans identifying P. Breaching it is contempt of court. Ask for support in general terms only — no names, photos, court documents or dates.
Don't email the judge, the other side's team or the Official Solicitor directly
Correspondence should go through your solicitor or the court office, copying all parties. Direct or repeated emails can be treated as pressure.
Don't record hearings, meetings or calls without permission
Recording a hearing without the court's permission is a criminal offence. Covert recordings of professionals rarely help and often damage your credibility.
Don't breach or 'test' an existing order
Even an order you think is wrong stays binding until it is changed. Apply to vary it — do not take P out of a placement or change contact arrangements yourself.
Don't argue in the waiting area or in front of P
Anything the other side sees can end up in a position statement. Step outside, take a break, let your representative speak for you.
Don't refuse all contact with the social worker or assessor
Non-engagement is noted. Attend, be polite, keep everything in writing and record your own notes afterwards.
Don't hide information you think looks bad
The duty is full and frank disclosure. Something explained by you lands far better than something discovered by them.
Don't send long, angry or late-night correspondence
Volume and tone get quoted back. Keep letters short, factual, numbered and about P's needs — not about how the professionals have treated you.
Nothing here stops you protecting P. Serious safeguarding concerns should always be raised straight away — tell your solicitor and the court, and use the safeguarding route rather than a general complaint.
Get there about an hour before your hearing starts
Arriving early is the single kindest thing you can do for yourself. Rushing in flustered is the worst possible start, and courts do not wait. Plan the morning so the only thing you have to think about when you walk in is P.
Getting there
- Pre-book parking if you can — court car parks are usually tiny or staff-only. Check a nearby car park the night before and note the price and whether it takes cash.
- Expect busy traffic. City-centre courts sit in the worst of the rush hour. Add an extra 30 minutes on top of what the map app says.
- Have a taxi number saved in your phone, plus enough money for a taxi home if you are too shaky to drive afterwards.
- Know the building. Look up the exact entrance, the security check and where the lifts are. Some courts have separate civil and family entrances.
- Remote hearing? Test the link, camera, microphone and charger an hour before, and sit somewhere quiet with no interruptions.
Once you are there
- Find the toilets first — hearings can run long with no natural break, and you will feel better knowing where they are.
- Get a drink and something to eat. Take water in a bottle, and a coffee or tea before you go through security. Court cafés are often closed.
- Be comfortable. Smart but comfortable clothes and shoes, layers for a cold or overheated room, and anything sensory that helps you stay regulated.
- Use the extra time. Your solicitor or barrister will often want to talk to you before you go in, and there may be last-minute discussions with the other parties.
- Know the room and the names. Check the court list on the screen for the courtroom number, the judge's name and how to address them, so nothing is a surprise.
- Bring someone with you if you can, and plan something gentle for straight afterwards.
If you are going to be late for any reason, phone the court office immediately and tell them — it is far better than simply not appearing.
Arrival & waiting
- You will go through security like at an airport. Allow extra time and keep bags light.
- The waiting area may include the other side, solicitors and social workers. It is normal to feel awkward. Stay polite and avoid private conversations.
- Court clerks will call your case. Listen for the name of the case, not your personal name, especially if a Transparency Order hides identities.
Dress & behaviour
- •Dress smartly but comfortably. You do not need a suit, but avoid slogans, hats and strong scents.
- •Stand when the judge enters and leaves. Sit when you are told to sit.
- •Call the judge "Sir" or "Madam" in the High Court, or "Judge" in the County Court. If unsure, follow the lead of the lawyers.
When you speak
- •Only speak when invited. Do not interrupt the judge, the other side or witnesses.
- •Speak to the judge, not the other person. Keep your voice steady and your language factual.
- •If you do not understand something, say so. It is better to ask than to guess.
Phones, recording & social media
- Turn your phone off or to flight mode. Recording, taking photos or posting live updates can be contempt of court.
- •Even WhatsApp voice notes in the corridor can be overheard. Save the debrief for outside the building.
What you might feel
Many families feel overwhelmed, angry, small or unheard. That is normal. The room is formal, the language is strange, and the stakes are high. Remember: you are there because you care about P. You have a right to be treated with respect.
If you need a break, ask. If the noise or lights are too much, ask for a reasonable adjustment under PD3A. If you are representing yourself, ask the clerk for the lay person's guidance leaflet.
After the hearing
You may not get a decision on the day. Orders are usually typed up later and sent to the parties. Ask when you can expect the order and how it will be sent.
Read the order carefully. If it does not match what you heard, raise it quickly. Keep a copy of everything, using P's initials or pseudonym in any file names.
Before you go checklist
0 of 5 doneA note from the families behind this app
We made this guide because we wished someone had handed us a map on our first day. We are not lawyers. We are parents, carers and relatives who have sat in the waiting room, opened the heavy wooden doors, and tried to keep our dignity while fighting for the person we love.
Every tip here is something one of us learned the hard way. Take what helps, leave what does not, and keep P at the centre of every sentence.
You are not alone.